Feeling frustrated.

I understand that I have it pretty good, relatively speaking.  But that doesn't make me immune from getting annoyed about petty things in the grand scheme of life.  I'm not a saint. 

Being home all of the time sucks.  It's for a great cause, so I suck it up and rarely complain.  I feel like I spend 80% of my day in the kitchen.  Which I hate.  I hate the floor, the dark, low cabinets, the stove, the refrigerator, the counters, the sink, the missing window, and the lack of preparation space.  I'm at the point where the kitchen makes me ill when I think about it.  At all.

So what can I do about it?  Well, the dark wood is sacred due to Justin's dad making them.  Can I have a small kitchen island?  Nope, there's never been a kitchen island, and therefore it can never happen.  Can I buy one?  Nope, it's not my money to "waste."  Can I get a cheap one from Craigslist?  Nope, "they're ugly" and/or "a pain in the ass" to pick up and since I can't drive the truck, I'm powerless to get it myself.  Oh, but he'll "make me one when he gets around to it" sometime after I've shot myself in the face, no doubt.

Probably the worst part is the powerlessness.  I am not used to having to ask for something.  I usually just go get it or do it.

I am mediocre.

I am full of lose tonight.  I am fairly certain that I used to be good at things.  I haven't a scrap of ambition left.  Anytime I feel it or get excited about something, it is immediately extinguished by a lack of finance, lack of mobility, or lack of confidence.  I can't spend 6+ hours driving to skate.  I can't travel.  I can't afford classes.

I can't follow through on anything, anyway, since I know it would be mediocre at best.  I envy people who seem to be good at everything.  Hell, I would like to be really good at just one thing.

Freaking amazing baked pasta casserole. Freaking CHEAP, too.

Did you ever think you would read "amazing" and "pasta" and "casserole" in the same sentence?  Well.  Welcome to my playground.

I can't take credit for the original recipe, but as I modified the crap out of it, I will anyway.  Here are the ingredients:

AMAZING HOMEMADE BREAD

Wow!  So I turned my back on Steve the Bread Guy.  Sorry, Steve.  Nothing personal.  I had a bookmarked bread recipe on allrecipes.com, and set out making it.  Of course, I failed to read the bit about the recipe being make for a breadmaker, but that's generally how I roll.

Roller derby. A pipe dream?

I've played roller derby for.... wow.... 6 or 7 years, now. I stopped playing in 2009 because I got pregnant...and really haven't been back.

I miss my lavender hair. =(

Bathroom self-portraits just haven't felt the same since.

Analysis of a Kitchen Cupboard

Why do we amass what we amass?  Do you plan it out & buy it all at once?  I lack that kind of foresight.  My unintentional collection has mismatched itself over 15 years.  Also, I may as well admit now that I went through a very unfortunate 5 year long Crate & Barrel phase.


WARNING:  I make no promises as to the interestingness of this post.