So I am reading this book, "The Power of Now." I am only up to chapter 3. There is a lot of mumbojumbo, and I am having a hard time sticking with it, but I'm committed. I like the idea of it, even if I can't get over the vision of the author wearing lots of beads and flowy clothes. And burning a lot of incense.
Obviously, I don't have much to report yet, but so far, it points out to separate "you" from your ever-chattering mind. To observe your thought processes as an outside entity... sort of interesting. "Negativity" counts as mind-chatter, and you are encouraged to quickly note a sudden turn of misery or moodiness. As a bystander, it's a little easier to get to the root of things. I realize that made no sense, but like I said, I only read 2 chapters. Maybe my beads and flowy clothes still need to be earned.
Something I can't get my mind away from is Roller Derby. I want to skate. I want to be able to skate. I want to not feel angry and/or sad when I read about everyone else skating. PJRD is still in a shit neighborhood, but I have been thinking of going out for PRG. I *just* missed the November tryouts, but a year to get back together is okay. I'm not getting any younger, though. And even then, there is far from any guarantee that I will make the cut. I'll be 35. Pretty sure most new skaters for them are not much older than 21. Not only am I 35, but my knees are *demolished.* But I guess I don't care.
So what are my hangups? Well, a big one was leaving Gretchen. But she's over 2, now, and we've already established that she can go to bed without momma. So that one is 85% resolved. I still get weird being far away from her. But I'll work on it. My trip to LA at the end of this month will be interesting. I am kind of expecting to have a panic attack.
A huge hangup is guilt over not skating with PJRD, where I have skated forever. But I can't get over the location. I've admitted it to myself. I was hoping they would find a new home, but it doesn't seem like it is happening anytime soon. And that is a non-negotiable for me. I'm also awkward on the banked track. I know it would improve with time, but in the meantime, it's a huge mental block.
Another hangup is the distance to and from practice. We're likely talking 45-60 minutes each way. While it is more miles, it is about the same time for the PJRD location. I tend to get social anxiety about leaving the house for 4 hours at a time... and somewhere so "far away." I don't know how to get over that. I get it all the time. I have for years. I guess I have to POWER OF NOW that shit.
I always focus on the negatives. I should be focusing on the positives. Exercise, a social life, physical fitness, mental peace.
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